Disenchanted...

I love my big brothers. They both were offered very little in life and they have made much for themselves. They live in different countries and have different lifestyles but are level headed young men, willing to sacrifice for their dreams and for their family. One of them is in northern California, working hard and going back to school after years of avoiding it. The other is a medical student in Guatemala.

I find it very special when they come home. I proud of both of them. When they come home to Belize they bring little treats, new food for thought and lots of hugs. They both have their own gifts and personalities. Sometimes I argue with them and I might even hurt their feelings because I don't share in ALL of their interest but I always appreciate it when they come home. It makes me feel sad when they leave. I feel listless and empty.

As my brothers leave off to their futures and new adventures, I stay at home. I enjoy teaching my little ones, driving my motorcycle with a plastic frame, living a humble life. I have basic needs met. People around me love me and I have challenges to meet. Someday when things are right I am going to leave home. I am going to shed my nice little job and sell my cycle. I am going to make some huge risk and I am going to overcome. Sometimes it will look like I lose but I will really win because my loses will not keep me down.

So while I feel sort of sad because the fun weekend is over, I am thoughtful. My brother's surprise trip home is done. I took him to the bus station at the border and he is on his way to Guatemala now, to his small apartment, his wife, his church, his studies and work, and his poetry. I feel sad because I miss him already but I am hopeful because someday it will be my turn....

And you will go with me.