And so I think about her

When I was a child, in a different place, in a different time, I made friends with a girl. Funny, because she was the only girl I let get close to me as a child. I had a painfully low self esteem and I thought most girls didn't like me so I rejected them first. I realize that most of it was because of self image, but I didn't make girl friends that easily. Now if you had ask me to romp around with my brothers and their friends, that is a different story. But somehow she became my friend.

Katie Combs and I were in the same grade and had same classes sometimes. We were also in Girl Scouts together. When I was in the thrid grade (standard 1) she stuck up for me when another girl was making fun of me. In fourth grade (standard 2) we were in different classes but I would see her during break time. I don't know what happened in fifth grade (standard 3). But in Sixth Grade (standard 4) she was there. She was an oasis to me. I was a co-dependant of a depressed person (means that I was depressed because my mother was depressed). She was my friend. Whenever I think of Sixth Grade with Katie, I mentality think of it as a proper noun.

The great thing about being her friend was that she, at our young age, somehow learned the art of not judging or putting people in boxes. I remember that she did not possess me nor I her. She could easily have her friends and me mine, without any feelings of competition. She never voiced the fact that I played like a boy as the other girls did. She never begged me to go to the library with her. We were in band together but we never sat together because she played the clarinet and I played the alto saxophone. Now she was a serious musician. Her parents signed her up for more then just regular school band. I couldn'teven read music. But we were friends. I felt her appreciation for me when I sat with the boys in the last row of the music ensemble across from her. She laughed at my jokes and never criticized my loudest.

When I moved away, Katie was a faithful friend. We wrote each other like mad. I wanted to run away and live with her, but I knew that wasn't possible. In my moment of utter darkness she was on my mind. In my life of sunshine, I did not forget her. Time has sought to separate us, but she lives in my heart.

I googled her name and I found out that she is far more successful then anyone I know. She is doing what we love. She is a journalist. Her picture makes her look pretty and intelligent. I was moved with a wave of regret. How dare I let time separate us! I should have been there, in her journey, a part of her life.

Now I don't have many regrets. I enjoy my life, but letting Katie Combs slip out of my life is a one regret that I have.