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19 April 2007


Yesterday I was on cloud nine. I felt like I was finally making head way. After three successful days I thought I was actually going to get this teaching thing down before the panel comes in a few weeks and decides if I wasted the last 2 years of my life training to be a teacher, or if I deserve to teach our nation's children. (144 I am on my teaching experience)

Little Rosy even wrote me a lovely little note saying that I am going to be a good teacher (when I grow up, I added), and she will always smile when she thinks about me. Touching... the things kids say. It felt real good. I am not a teacher for the pay or because I need to feel powerful, but rather for notes like that. To know that I am, possibly, doing my job and making the world a better place for a few kids.

Then today. Urgh. Yes not Ugh, URRRGh. It might be the heat... or the fact that maybe I am too friendly with my students... But today of all days, the class was a mess. No one, not even the sweet ones, would sit and listen for more than five seconds (I might be exaggerating, but I am exasperated). To make it worst, today was the day I was assessed. Why can't my supervisors came in on days like any other day this week, when my plans were prefect and ready and the class had their "eye-balls on my"? I love my ten-years-olds.... but I am tired.

I don't want to be an old tart who drowns about her chosen profession. I am a teacher by chose and I know it. And I love them. The children inspire me.

I think now I know why abused women go back every time. Their love is addicting, even if it is frustrating. Tomorrow is Mass though. The idea usually makes me want to spit (to be politically correct, let's just say I am not catholic and I do not agree with some of the policies the school that I was placed at has...shiver). But it sounds nice to be able to sit back in morning (I sit in the pews so my students don't see that I don't take part). Then I will run the finally lap for the weekend.

Anyone has any plans? Remember, I am a licensed driver now.


The Queen said...

Good teachers can make a huge difference in a persons life.

Why is it that supervisors always watch on the worst days?

Beth said...

I think it is that way to keep us humble...

I got yesterday's report back. My supervisor let the records have it. Why did she have to mention that I wore the flower that Yenci gave me in my hair all morning? Professional Development? They commend my rapport with students as excellent, then contradict themselves by condemn the me for being "professional undeveloped" because of a flower stuck in my right ear! I wish they would focus on giving me ideas how to manage my class better, no nag at my identity. So I wear flowers in my hair. Is that why my students behaved badly?

I'm in trouble because I left out a detail in my plan book. Next week they want to see all of them. Bugger.

The Queen said...

Hang in there! Rapport with the students is the important thing. That is a gift not all teachers have.

I bet the kids love the flowers in your hair.

Beth said...

I wonder how long I will last in the mainstream school system....

I forgot to mention, before this all started, I used to stick a rose in my hair anytime I left the house. It wasn't completely new...but I "neva" thought it was unprofessional. Sigh

Leonardo Melendez said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Leonardo Melendez said...

I would like to see you in action and in a bathing suit too if you allow.

BTW, Abused women go back because of the "Sugar Tip" — come on, everybody knnows that.

Leal said...

Don't know where Leo's is going with that comment. I always though of being a teacher. Might become one in the future. And like the queen said, "Good teachers can make a huge difference in a persons life." I think you are capable of being a good teacher, so hang in there.

Beth said...

I am ignoring Leo's comment.... completely. (Have you taken any cold showers lately, Little man?)

I agree that good teachers are hard to find. The problem I am faced with is what really is a good teacher? I think that I am going to make an wonderful teacher, but my supervisors don't seem to think so. I am think that what political-correctness I lack I will make up with zeal. They seem to think otherwise.

When I think back to the three teachers that impacted my life, they were all, in their own ways, the abnormal ones. But that was when I was little. A different time and a different place. Thus I am in limbo. Do I continue to thrash the norms and happily be myself even if I fail this practical or become the "N-word" and be another puppet(ZZZZZZ).

I love teaching. My children inspire me. I have written so much lately despite the fact that my body is always tired. I fall a sleep with sweet thoughts. I need to be a teacher more then anything.