Lately, I have been thinking about Guatemala City. I have been there a few times visiting my aspiring doctor brother. That city fascinates me. There is something thrilling about the danger, that the fact that your wallet, phone, or life can be taken at any moment when you are on the street. The complicated bus system, the hustle the bustle, the fast, hurried, shouted Spanish that I can't understand for the life of me. The air is cooler there than in the Maya Mountains in Belize. The traffic is constant, loud, and dangerous. Even though my brother doesn't have a lot time to "walk" with me, have only been to the mall and other stores in hurried outings (with men, too, making it harder to savor), I take it all in. The whole city makes my heart beat to a new tune, and makes me want to breath deeply (is it the pollution or the joy of it?).
Funny, because I have always been a country girl. No not honky-tonk, but.... rural. Even when I lived in California the nearest stop light was about a 2 hour drive away. I lived in the woods outside a small town in a rural county. The cities had no place in my childhood. They were for Mom's court dates, the college student I only knew of, and the movies. Sure, I live in San Ignacio Town, a busy town full about to burst its seams if it wore pants, but El Cayo (as it is known as) is far from a city. It is a story book town where most people know or have at least seen each other before. Tourism makes it a little more unconventional, but there is still a time when the streets are quiet and the town usually sleeps after ten o'clock.
I am happy with the smallest. It is a part of me. I love the thriving, close knit, clannish of it. There is so much potential as things grow, people learn, and thoughts are raised up. I am not saying that I am satisfied with the smallest. No, I like to watch it grow. I know that I am a part of it, even though I am I failure as a sixth form student, a rooky as a teacher, an alien as a Belizean, and an empty cup as a human being. I am still a part of it and as I grow, it grows with me. Sure, I may have to cut it off and let it grow separate from me in some far away day. But right now, I am breathing and its lungs are moving. I love the smallest because it grows with me, just a Billy, the neighbour grew with me. The potential excites my soul.