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07 February 2013

Years to come

This weekend was our first anniversary. Beloved and I spent the weekend doing very little. We went out a lot and slept a lot. While it was not the great adventure that I imagined it, Beloved and I did make some great sheet music. We laughed together, cried together, prayed together and sang together.

While I know that part of my great love for my Beloved is because we are still considered newly weds, I am also confident that our life together will have a lot of honey. Why am I so sure, you might ask.... Well the answer is simple. We waited on God.

I know life is not fair and that bad things do happen to good people. I am not about to think that my life has a grace that others can't access. In fact, I know that the grace I have is something that everyone can have. It is blessing that many of us know as choice.
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What does choice have to do with it? See we spend our lives making choices. Each and everyone of us. When I was thirteen years old I made a couple of choices. The first was that I was going to give my life to Jesus. I asked him to come into my life. Later I chose to build a relationship with God. I spent hours in prayer and meditation. I read the Bible and other spiritual books. I talked to people about my relationship with God and I asked them about theirs.

One of the first things that God challenged me with was how my cultural and society on a whole views relationships. I made it my goal to allow my brother-friends to love me like a sister. This was tricky especially when I did not want to view certain friends as a brother. Oh it was hard! I read a couple of books in my teenage years that both confused me and encouraged me..... after all that is what reading is suppose to do... but I asked God about it. I made a fool of myself a couple of times, but I always committed myself three things: 1. to have healthy relationships with my brother friends 2. say no to premarital sex 3. allow God access to my relationships. While I was going to enjoy comrade friendships from boys and girls, I wanted to save my heart for whoever God had for me.... even if there was no one.

There were a couple of times that I did not want to stay committed to my goal. In fact there were some days in my junior college era of my life that I did not really want to feel sisterly to my guy friends. Many of my like time brother-friends were getting girlfriends and getting married and making babies. Others were getting girlfriends and making babies. I was making new friends, whom I could impress with my ability to use a drill AND my baking skills. I realized that I was smart and charming and oh! I wanted to charm. But this was all interrupted.

One night I had an earth shaking dream. Now I know that some dreams are just a chemical reaction to lack of sleep and something I ate, but this dream was different. In it I visioned myself ten years down the road and I was married with babies in a stroller! In it my little family and I were taking a walk around one of the parks in San Ignacio town and we come across a brother-friend from my youth and his little family. I introduced my little family to his and we assumed a vibrant friendship. When I woke up the message was heavy on my heart: How I treated my brother-friends presently will determine the level of freedom from awkwardness I can relate to them later in my life.  So I renewed my committed to save my heart for the prince that God has for me, even if that means there will never be a prince for me.

Now that I have been married for a year, I am so glad I had that dream. I love that I can introduce Beloved to the different chums I have. Although I am not in constant contact with many of them, I do come across them. It is an honour for me to see Beloved befriend the different young men that I was attracted to when I was young. The best thing, however, is that I can share my feelings, past and present with Beloved, and I know that our relationship is free from resentment and petty jealousy. I know that part of it is based on his personality, but I also realize that because I was faithful to myself as a young adult, I can be faithful to him as a married adult.

I know that his process has been different. He was too shy to really get involved. He thought he was a loser because all of his buddies were moving on. However, when he ran into a pretty teacher friend of his cousins (read: ME!) he was not so shy. He was incredibly patient and kind and gentlemanly. But shy he was not. In fact the 8 months that we were friends before we dated was a very purposeful time for him. He knew he was falling in love with me and he knew that he wanted to marry me but well he trusted it all to God. He almost lost me.... I was hard headed about a certain issue.... but he was willing to give me space. He asked me to settle down before I accomplished all that I wanted to do but I chose to do so because he waited so long for me.

My mother used to tell me that when God is done with me and my soul mate He would find a way to bring us together. Despite our cultural differences and our outlook in life, He sure did. I am glad I waited on God! I am looking forward to the years to come.

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