About a month ago the Party Shop closed down. Went out of business, closed the doors, crushed, whatever you call it. Because Mom's boss-friend is good friends with the owner, we got some royalties. Most of it I stashed under my bed for a day when junk I never knew existed could be used.
Today was such a day. I babysat Ezra. Ezra is five years old and looks oriental only that his parents two different types of Maya. He is a very smart, bright, mature and responsible little boy. He is the first of his age that didn't jump at the chance to sit in my lap to "drive" when I pulled onto my deserted neighbourhood street, because the police might "rall up with" me. After finishing the rituals of making sure my dogs are in order, Ezra and I went through some of the ex-party shop junk. Mask! I found that I have about a hundred single coloured eye mask. He picked up a blue one and I helped him put it on. Then I put one on myself. Funny how something so simple can transform the world of a child. In an instant he was Super Ez and I was his sidekick Bethie Lou (his pet name for me). We raced flying (running) down the street and he won just to prove that he is the hero. After that the daily activities were those of a superhero and his sidekick. Well his parents came, and I felt sad. An emptiness swept me. The house became too big for me and I missed him.
It isn't that I enjoyed playing superheros or the childish topics. It is that I missed having my heart full of his laughter, seeing his little body run around, listen to me, love me. Not that I am a desperate child stealer. I mean I can't wait until have my own children. Mom said when she was my age she wanted to be a housewife with five children instead of a single mother, career woman with two children. I always felt this odd. I wanted to be a career woman with a job that will change the world. But today I wonder if there is something to my mother's dreams. I wonder if I will be a housewife with five kids and a darling husband someday. Maybe if I plan it right I could be, if I want to. Mom could have been and she was later when she remarried and had three kids. Those were good years that I will treasure. Maybe my kids will treasure it if I stayed home with them.