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22 September 2007

My baby

About a month ago the Party Shop closed down. Went out of business, closed the doors, crushed, whatever you call it. Because Mom's boss-friend is good friends with the owner, we got some royalties. Most of it I stashed under my bed for a day when junk I never knew existed could be used.

Today was such a day. I babysat Ezra. Ezra is five years old and looks oriental only that his parents two different types of Maya. He is a very smart, bright, mature and responsible little boy. He is the first of his age that didn't jump at the chance to sit in my lap to "drive" when I pulled onto my deserted neighbourhood street, because the police might "rall up with" me. After finishing the rituals of making sure my dogs are in order, Ezra and I went through some of the ex-party shop junk. Mask! I found that I have about a hundred single coloured eye mask. He picked up a blue one and I helped him put it on. Then I put one on myself. Funny how something so simple can transform the world of a child. In an instant he was Super Ez and I was his sidekick Bethie Lou (his pet name for me). We raced flying (running) down the street and he won just to prove that he is the hero. After that the daily activities were those of a superhero and his sidekick. Well his parents came, and I felt sad. An emptiness swept me. The house became too big for me and I missed him.

It isn't that I enjoyed playing superheros or the childish topics. It is that I missed having my heart full of his laughter, seeing his little body run around, listen to me, love me. Not that I am a desperate child stealer. I mean I can't wait until have my own children. Mom said when she was my age she wanted to be a housewife with five children instead of a single mother, career woman with two children. I always felt this odd. I wanted to be a career woman with a job that will change the world. But today I wonder if there is something to my mother's dreams. I wonder if I will be a housewife with five kids and a darling husband someday. Maybe if I plan it right I could be, if I want to. Mom could have been and she was later when she remarried and had three kids. Those were good years that I will treasure. Maybe my kids will treasure it if I stayed home with them.

8 comments:

Leonardo Melendez said...

Very emotional Bethie Lou Lou. I'm in agreement here. Not certain if we talked about this before but don't you believe that the world would be a better place if mothers were to assume the role of housewives more often? You know, spend more time with the kids.

Oh boy, I know the factors are myriad when it comes to making the world a better place, but I think we should give a bit more emphasis to this one. Too many moms not doing their jobs or probably don't know how to. Don't you think?

Daniel H. Schluckebier said...

What a realistic work of ur words, they made me feel a bit sad. Esp not having mom at my side or to feel that love once more...

I am sure you will be a great mom but be patient...

u're the best...

Nicole said...

I have those moments once in awhile. Where I think to myself, "what the hell am I doing?" Moments where I want to be a mother, and give the gift of life, and all that jazz. And then I remember how horrible I am with children. :)

Tracee said...

Im sure you wont be horrible with your child, Nic.

To think, we might married, have kids,Wow...Scary but exciting at the same time.

Everything has a reason why said...

kids- toughed a nerve bethie.. but i agree with u. i love kids..can i have eye mascara for halloween.
@leo- same thing goes for dads leo.. wouldnt it be great if they could stay home and be dads?

Nicole said...

Thanks Tracee. It'll be something I'll have to learn.

Beth said...

Leo: Yeah, I think we might have spoken about this before but I am not sure. It was funny that I always felt that mothers' of young children should stay home and I dream of having kids but I never thought that I would be a stay at home mom....

Leo, just remember that God puts the lonely in families and he knows your heart. I am quite positive that he will express that sort of love to you in a special way very soon.

Nicole: Horrible with kids? I am a little concern that if I am the same person I am now when I have kids, I will have a bunch of spoiled brats, weak and soft. I don't think I have the strength to love toughly.

Tracee, yeah I get a little scared when I think about it too, most most of the time I am impatient!

Agree Juds... We need to have great dads as well as great moms... it takes two to tango and raise a family. That is why I established the importance of waiting! I can only be a great mom if I have a great man to father my children!

Beth said...

Sorry that second comment goes to Danny... When will I learn to read what I write before I post it???