I spent the weekend working with my brother in the yard. Our house has been under construction for the last three years. Since we moved in it in December, the push to get it done has been more urgent. After working with my brother for the last few days, I got a nice tan, and sore back. I also, gained some fresh insight as talking with my American brother has offered much food for thought.
The main thing I realized was that I will never be able to please my brothers because they expect me to be someone who I am not. As a child, my two brothers were so much a part of my world that I wanted to be a boy. Our mother was able, capable woman who wasn't very careful to notice the mentalities her children built. My brothers climbed trees so I did too, they spit so I did, they stones dogs so I did too. They shot dolls with a BB gun so I blew up my Barbie's. My brothers were used to seeing me do these things so it was natural to have a he-woman little sister. There friends were my friends and they never were cautious of the company of boys I kept throughout my adolescences. They didn't understand me when I did 'girly things' like bake and sew. They sure enjoyed it though.
The Doctor was still a big part of my life when I began to realize myself. He was reflective and helpful to encourage me to be a strong and unique Bethie-girl (That is his nickname for me even today). Although sometimes we ended up shouting at each other and we have hurt each other deeply at times, he witness me come to the person...errrrr, woman I am today. He knows I am in a journey of finding who I was created to be and he supported it.
The other brother, however, move farther away much sooner. Connection with him was limited and there was no building together with him. There were no late night talks about boys and feels, or dreams and plans. He wasn't there to help me figure out what that pretty colours matter to me, and short skirts are fun to wear (or help me find a safe shortness). He was there to see the strong relationship with my sister friends build. He was surprised when I started training to be a teacher because he just didn't know.
I feel sort of sorry for him. The sister who he had known to be rough and tough has turned into a thoughtful, dreamy eyed, dainty woman. He was practices to treat me like one of the boys, and now I turn out to be a feminine being with a cute smile and pretty clothes. He doesn't realize that I know my strength doesn't comes from my muscles.... it comes from my being. What a shock it must be for him.