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03 April 2013

Men and Women

My Beloved loves to do things for me so I let him (But really I need him)
This morning I finally dragged my foggy head out of bed after Beloved's faithful nudging. Beloved made coffee and toast, and didn't complain that I forgot to get milk for the coffee (the morning nudging out of bed, coffee, toast and not complaining makes him the best husband in the work, ya'll). We talk about this and that, I yawn and stretch and head for the shower. When the prefect temperature water hits me, what was meant for a "cowboy bathe" turns into a spa treatment, despite the fact I only have 30 minutes to leave the house, drive the fibve miles to the bus stop, catch the bus, and go to school. I wash my hair, shave my legs, wash my skin with soap, then body wash, and scrub my face with an apricot scrub. Stretch some more. Thing about Carol Gilligan and how men and women think differently....

See according to Coral Gilligan's theory on moral development is very interesting to me. She claims that younger children have a different understanding of justice based on gender. See little girls, and woman on a  whole, make choices about right and wrong based on how it affects relationships, and how to show care and concern for the people the decisions involves. Boys on the other hand tend to be more tend to be more zealous in the sense of rightness, justice, and following the rules. While studying under Kolhberg, who did not take gender into consideration in his studies on moral development, Carol Gilligan realized that girls do in-fact develop moral orientationsdifferently than boys.

Back to my sleepy morning, my amazing husband, and my shower. See being married to a man from a different culture and family background wants me to study psychology more. I realized that men and women are much more complicated being then anything I could have experienced as a daughter, sister, friend, roommate. For one thing, I observed that my Beloved, as kind and gentle and strong and brave as he is, in his heart of hearts, he really just has space for one person. Since I filled that space his relationship with his family, friends, nieghbours etc... (even the ones who used to feed him during his bachelor days) are a blur on the back burner.  He is a passionate man with extreme loyal (in his own way). 

Me on the other hand am heart sick for my Santa Elena days. I miss my old friends and I constantly lament the fact that I am loosing touch with so many of my friends. I love being busy but I hate it that I just don't have the time to "walk about" and just chill with my buddies. I am alarmed if I can't visit my mother once a week and if I don't hear from her at least once a day I go into a frenzy, calling all my friends who live close to her and ask them to check up on her. I love my family and friends the same (or even more) now that I am married.

I found this picture on the net... I find it amusing
This is a picture of Santa Elena, Cayo, my home town. Who won't miss it?
I think God was cleaver and designing men and women different. We sort of balance each other. While I hope to dote over my babies someday and I plan to take the world by storm, I have a strong man by my side. This is the man who is going to make sure my dreams happen. He understands how so many of the things I wanted to do in my life have been pushed back or diverted because I am a relationship orientated person. I couldn't go on vacation while my mother's car was in the shop or when my friends were planning on going to a youth conference in Miami and I wanted to go to California to visit some friends and family one summer, I caved to go with my friends. The conference was great but I had other plans that I put to the side. I used to beat up myself for being weak, spineless, not self-actualized, when in reality I was just being the woman that God created me to be. Now that I have a strong man that only has eyes for me, my goals are going to start being ticketed off one by one.
Finishing my BA is one of them. 
Visiting family and friends in California is another
We will discuss the others.

Some times I feel like a sell out. I got married before my FIVE YEAR PLAN was complete. Now I am freed by the realization that I was not meant to finish my FIVE YEAR PLAN alone. Of course being married adds its own stress to the plan and my marriage has slowed me down in some ways. But it is so much fun! So what if my FIVE YEAR PLAN will be a TEN YEAR PLAN? So what that I am not as moveable and spontaneous as I once was. I am happy with my Man and he is helping me realize what is really inportant in life.

Meanwhile I will wish I had this book.
Or this one....

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