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30 October 2012

Just some speed writing

Lately I have been angry.  Angry at what you might ask? Angry at nothing and everything at the same time.  I  am mad at my brothers, my mother, my teachers, my friends, my in-laws, everyone except for Beloved.  Beloved is my constant.  I can't help not being angry with him because he is the one that I vent on. I come home from a long day of dealing with people and building up anger and I vent on him.  I yell at him and to him. And he takes it.  Some times he quietly holds my hand and with a tear in his eye whispers "I am sorry".  Other times he gets real mad and he storms around the house. Makes phone calls, yells at people for me. He is definitely my defender and he will do whatever it takes.

Before he acts, however, he does the most remarkable thing that I want my babies, especially my man-babies to learn: Before he acts he asks.  The most basic question he asks me is "Can I help you fix this" or "can I do something about this for you". I love that he ask because although the question may seem condescending, he is really communicating with me.  He understands that sometimes I am venting just to vent, because let's face it... I am a woman.... He understands that sometimes I don't want to fix anything, or I also need to fix the situation myself. But my Beloved lets me know that he is willing and able to help me out.

I wonder who taught this wonderful man that women have the rights to deal with their own issues.  Certainly it was not his community.  His culture taught him a very different philosophy: women can't take care of themselves and their men, fathers, brothers, husbands, church and community leaders, need to take care of them.For them anything else is an affront to God's order.  It is amazing to watch how my new, inexperienced husband works, lives and shares life with people who hold this cultural sexist view about gender. He does not fight with them, but he proudly differs from them. He uses different word choices then them.... he does not say things like " I allowed her to do...." or "my woman...."  In fact, he very naturally does the opposite.  He does not correct the user of such phrases but is careful not to let other's bully him into using them.

How can one be mad at the man who wants to make everything right for me, but still gives me the space to be self-actualized?

I love my man.

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