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23 October 2012

Like a Loyal Dog

Last night, the scene in my home, over dinner reminded me of the scene in "Homeward Bound"  where Peter was saying good by to his loyal dog Shadow. My Beloved was sad, and expressing it. Like Shadow, I really could not comprehend it. I knew the source of his sadness, but I really could not understand why. I kept thinking while I held my sad man, "I don't know why you are sad... but I am here" just like the dog did in the movie.

This makes me realize the difference between our up brings and cultures seem to have a gender-role reversal on my marriage. Beloved grew up in a sheltered community which many family and friends around.  Anything bad or seemingly bad was kicked off the community.  While this seems unfair, especially if you are the one being shunned, it gave Beloved a sense that all is well in the world and he seems to be hurt especially when someone  or something happens to someone close to him. In this case, the announcement of the divorce of a friend brought him to tears.

Me, I would like to say I am strong. But it is not that.  Life experiences have normalized the ill of the world for me. Sure I am wish things like divorce, murder, robbery, rape, or any other ill would not happen.  I feel sorry for the children, and I wish the couple could patch things up, but the knowledge that my friends' hard, strained marriage is over does not rock my core. This might make me cold, but I did not shed ever one tear. In fact, I saw it coming.  I tried my best to advice my friends, and I even prayed for them, but it happened.

My life experiences and my spiritual convictions seem to clash.  I understand that God hates divorce.  That all relationships and fellowship are gifts from God and to let love dwindle and to become dysfunctional in a relationship, any relationship, is an affront to the original purpose of relationships. So it is sad when relationships break. Divorce is sort of la creme a la creme of broken relationships. In fact, I would even go so far to venture that divorce is sin. Although the Bible does not say that explicitly, I can see how so many doctrines have come to that conclusion.

I personally feel however, that divorce is not the end of the world. Unlike Beloved, I can see how divorce can cause some good.  It can end abuse and end the pretending of functionality that some relationships have. Because, really, if something just isn't working, no matter how much we have tried to make it work, why make ourselves miserable?

I am a child of a divorced couple.  Of course I missed growing up around my father's family.  I missed out on sharing life with my aunts, my grandmother (may she rest in peace) and many cousins. A piece of me is broken because of that missing out.  I am not a completely broken person though.  I had a great step-father. My mother moved us to Belize where I have learned many things. All in all I have had a great life.  Who knows what would have happened if my mother and father never got divorced.

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